Humanize Me
by ForeverNeverlander
Summary: Sequel to Dream Nightmares for Me. Gone is Cheri and her memory. All there is left is the dark, twisted being that Pan unleashed. How does he look at himself in the mirror, when he knows she fails to remember their love? So many things were left unsaid, and they are now revealed. Pan/OC. Smut warning. Rated M for a reason.
1. Prologue

**I know I said I wouldn't be updating till next week. But I couldn't wait... Prologues are short so yeah, I made it. Leave me some feedback :D **

Prologue

_Love finds you in the strangest places, and hope clings to us in the nooks and crannies we never think to look.- Shelly Crane_

She was gone.

Peter stared at the empty sky, the stars peppering the darkness.

Every night, after an unsuccessful day, he came to sit on the rock and looked at the sky. The same sky Cheri fell from the day she was brought to Neverland. The same sky she looked at before her heart was ripped out. The same sky they made love under. The same sky to darkest being wrenched her innocent heart from her chest. The same sky under which she died, and came back to life. The same sky under which she forgot Peter Pan.

Nobody _really_ forgot Peter Pan. He could tamper with people's memories, but they always had the feeling that someone had been around. A vague figure in the corners of their brains. A smile, a scent, a word. Never a whole, vivid memory. Just a thought. But to Cheri, he had been literally pulverized from her memory. Wiped clean.

It wasn't supposed to happen like that. She was supposed to wake up and cling to him, tell him she loved him. She was supposed to have this darkness growing under her skin like mold, but still be able to look at Peter, not through him.

It's like Peter's heart had made up a story in her head. She was Cheri Regan, her parents had died when she was a baby. But she couldn't remember anything before coming to Neverland. Her arrival was a blur. She would never speak of it, lash out at anyone who tried to pry anything from her. The Boys, whom had grown fond of her, now feared her. She was tyrannic, mean, loud, ordering and merciless. She was exactly like Peter had been before he took his heart out.

Whenever he would confront her, try to make her see who she was, she would close up and snap her magic at him. He would lose every time. She was even immune to any form of reminder. She lived in the cabin, without any reoccurring memories.

After the Boys got over being scared, they became like pocket dogs. Wherever she went, they followed. They followed her on her adventures, her hikes, her fights. They were like a wolf pack, forgetting their previous alpha. They knew ignoring and arguing her wasn't going to make her come back, so they opted for the easy way out; they encouraged the darkness.

And every day, Peter had to look at Felix's reproachful eyes. He had enough with Cheri's glassy, empty, smug look, and now he had to face Felix and the guilt he evoked in the boy king.

Peter was slowly crumbling. The life of Neverland was slowly dying, and if Peter didn't find a solution soon, the whole of the island would be engulfed in darkness.

* * *

**So yeah ;) Tell me what ya think :D**


	2. Chapter 1

**Scorpiongirl92: hehehe thank youu :D hope you like this one**

Chapter 1: Cheri

_Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.-Mae West_

The string dug into the flesh of her already scarred fingers. The point of the arrow, aimed so carelessly at the apple, slightly swayed side to side as she breathed. Dreamshade, dark and luscious, dripped from the tip, poisoning the dirt at her feet. Wind blew her dark curls away from her face as she closed her left eye and used her right to aim at the apple, not at the boy's head.

"Don't move," she groaned as Jack continued to wiggle, eyes frantic and wild like a dear caught in headlights. Cheri sighed, lowering the boy and rolling her eyes. "Jack, if you continue moving, this arrow will pierce your empty skull," she explained, rather annoyed. Jack whimpered.

Apathetically, the young woman walked up to him, eyes all kind and sweet smile etched on her face. For a moment, Jack stopped moving, looking up at her sadly. Then her hand slapped his cheek and he cried out, a red imprint already forming on the sore flesh. "Ow!" he whined, leaning forward, but the ropes tying him to the tree prevented him to sink to his knees. Cheri sighed.

"Now stop moving," she groaned. This was getting boring.

She went back to her previous place, leveled the bow and aimed it. She pulled the string, watched with delight as Jack closed his eyes in horror, and let a small sigh of happiness leave her mouth. Her left eye closed, the other carefully aiming the apple. She steadied her breathing, pulled the string, breathed in and out two times. And fired.

"Woo!" she whooped, throwing a fist in the air as pieces of apple flopped each side of Jack's trembling head. "Woo hoo!"

"Is it over?" he shrilled, making some of the boys around them chuckle. Cheri nodded, strapping the bow across her chest. She walked over to him, satisfied smile on her lips.

"Yep," she answered, tapping him on the shoulder. She used her pocket knife to cut the ropes and watched him stumble along with a grin. "It was fun!" she called out to him. "Let's do that again sometime, alright?" Jack just gulped and headed off, squeezing his arms around his frail little body.

"I'm hungry," Walter complained, leaning against a tree. Cheri rolled her eyes.

"Boys are always hungry," she mumbled, hands on hips. An idea popped into her head and she lightened up, eyes wide and pointer finger in the air. "Why don't we go catch some fish, eh?" A dubious smile stretched on Walter's lips as he met the girl's fiery gaze. A mumble of approval passed through the crowd of gathered Lost Boys.

Cheri laughed, sound ringing out in the forest. She felt some boys cringe at the evil tone in her voice. "Let us go then," the girl drawled. "Let us go get some fish."

* * *

Mermaid lagoon was quiet, peaceful. Crickets buzzed in the distance, fish startled the perfect water, wind hummed in the atmosphere. The smell of ocean, salt, ran up to the girl's nose and she sniffed. That scent made the pit of her stomach rumble. The smell of fish, scales and tender meat. Although she never ate mermaids, she had a perpetual thought that they'd taste the same as fish. But that would be cannibalism. Half. "What do we do?" Walter whispered harshly. Cheri stayed half hidden in the foliage, feeling the wind pat her delicate skin. Her hair, done in a messy, loose braid, flapped behind her back with the wind.

"They know we're here," she smiled. "They'll come out soon enough."

She turned to the boys, who all stared at her with half lidded eyes and parted lips. It was really hot nowadays and the humidity level had risen impossibly high. "Everybody's got their Dreamshade?" she asked aloud. Sweaty boys looked at their arrows, wiping sweat from their brows. Strangely, Cheri felt the heat, but it never made her feel uncomfortable. Some boys told her she was a naturally cold person, then they would shake their heads and walk away slowly.

After all the boys had acquiesced about the poison, the girl nodded and turned back to the lagoon. She felt the impatience of the boys, their thirst for blood and a fight. Their impatience bore into her, like a bleeding wound infecting others. She felt her inner self burn with malice and urge as she bounced on the balls of her feet. A laugh rang out, imposing and predatory-like.

Something moved in the water, ripples waving over the surface. A dark figure glided under the blue, then another and another, until the lagoon was infested with dark figures. Cheri smiled malignantly. "Alright boys," she drawled darkly. "Let's fetch some fish." The boys were always ready for a good fight, even if it was random and pointless.

They charged in roars and howls, arrows and spears aimed at the water. Mermaids and sirens emerged from the water, hissing and baring teeth. Cheri snarled, making her way towards the banks. She level her arrow, feeling her heart in her throat. The arrow fired, hitting a mermaid in the abdomen. The brunette dismissed the soon-to-be-dead mermaid and ran along the rocky shore, boots scrunching gravel. Water splashed over her boots and she wiped around, sliding an arrow into place and leveling it. The arrow pierced the skull of a shabby looking siren, and as usual, the brunette reached out before the body sunk into the water and wrenched the arrow out. Blood floated on the milky blue surface as the young woman slide the arrow back in the bow and continued circling the banks.

The Lost Boys were going on fine, spearing mermaids, dragging them out and slicing their throats, shooting arrows from the above rocks or simply sword fighting them on the shore. It made the young woman laugh as she knelt beside a rock, took aim and fired at a merman. He squealed when he got the arrow in the back, reaching back and cracking it in two. He was dead anyway, the amount of Dreamshade in his body would soon make him whither. But he was approaching Cheri at fast speed, gliding through the water like a God. He was handsome, with wavy blonde hair and muscles to die for. But the rage in his eyes made all the beauty turn to dark ugliness.

"Oh shit, mad merman," Cheri giggled, twisting behind the rock, avoiding his hands. He roared in anger, hissing like a cat. She poked her head out and saw his blonde hair by the rock as he tried to haul himself out. "Oh shit," she repeated, leveling the bow. She was about to fire when a huge, bronze hand came out and snagged her arrow, pulling as to pull her body forward. She shrieked, face hitting the gravel and piercing the skin at her chin. "Fuck!"

Rough hands rolled her on her back as she stared up at the beautiful merman. "Hey gorgeous," she drawled, ravishing smile stretching her lips. He grunted, holding her throat as to shut her up. She groaned, kicking her legs in vain. He sat with his tail half in the water and the rest of his body on shore. He held the arrow she had been about to use, and aimed it at her throat menacingly.

"I'm going to kill you," he gnarled, teeth bared. He was still good looking even when he was mad. Cheri struggled under his grip, hands clawing at his.

"H-hey beautiful?" she coughed. He grunted. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." He frowned, and just as he was about to dismiss the problem and kill Cheri, a hand clasped down on his shoulder and wrenched him out of Cheri's face.

"Peter Pan to the fucking rescue!" Cheri cheered, seeing the said Pan drag the startled merman away from Cheri, as she rolled into a crouch. Peter rolled his eyes, taking his knife out and killing the merman effortlessly.

"Aw man," Cheri squealed, picking up her bow. "He was so cute, why'd you have to kill him?" Sarcasm dripped off her tongue and face, as she stared at Pan with a fake pout. He huffed.

"I said to stay out of trouble!" he growled over the raucous.

"Sorry!" Cheri called back. "You should tell trouble to stay out of me!" He didn't laugh as she chuckled and got to her feet.

"You should stop this!" he yelled, waving his hand over the area in which the boys were in battle with a shit load of mermaids. Cheri huffed. "Bring the boys back home!" Pan persisted.

"But they're having fun!" she counterpointed. "Look at them!" She laughed when Peter groaned and look up apathetically.

"They'll get hurt," he said, more calmly. "You'll get hurt."

"Aw, look who's all mushy and pushy," she cooed, fake pouting and putting a hand to her cheek. "Your words touch, Petee. They really do." She laughed again, so casually. Peter cringed.

"Stop this," he ordered fiercely. "Or I will." He met her gaze, his harsh and dark, hers casual and light. She rolled her eyes.

"Why do you always have to ruin the fun?" She groaned back, trudging passed him with a defeated look on her features. He didn't bother to answer her. Instead, as the girl ventured back in the foliage, he ordered his boys back. The idea of retreat didn't sound good to their ears as the Lost Boys never retreat. However, many dead mermaid and merman bodies lay on the banks, blood caking the rocks and gravel. The sirens were already losing.

As Cheri trudged through the foliage, she could hear the Boys' clatter and high pitched roaring. It made her laugh as she watched her feet, stepping over rocks and making sure they landed on safe, straight ground. Neverland tended to jut things out of the ground at random places, so even if you thought you knew the place, you didn't.

Cheri decided to speed ahead of the Boys and go round camp so she could get to her cabin and change before nightfall. She walked fast through the jungle, pushing away leaves and dodging trees.

When the snapping twig made her look up, the brunette immediately brought her bow up to eye level. Her sharpened senses wandered out, in search of the suspicious sound. Her orbs scanned the forest, jerking from shadow to shadow, and tree to tree. Something felt odd, out of place. She felt like she was in a dream, and a strong sense of deja-vu hit her like a brick to the face. She recoiled, re-centered the bow and gulped down on a lump in her throat. Sweat collected on the small of her back, in the pit of her palms and on her brow. She was sweating now? It felt so odd that it made her nauseous.

All this time on Neverland, which felt like forever, trudging through the forest with the Boys, stirring trouble and just doing random shits, never made her feel like that. This was the first time she was getting a heat stroke.

Wobbly, she got to her feet and trudge along, feeling like the pit of her stomach was as fragile as an egg shell. Her feet were mushy and slow, heavy body hard to drag along. Her breathing was heavy and loud, like she had been running for a long time. She longed for water, to parch her raw throat and dry mouth. The beating of her heart, erratic and thick, echoed in her ears.

When the twig snapped again, she sunk to her knees and leveled her bow, fighting the nausea. Her aim wobbled as she scanned and searched the woods for her pursuer. She saw a shadow, quick and subtle, breeze pass her peripheral vision. Cheri jerked sideways, aiming her bow. She looked around nervously. "Who's there?" she called.

She got to her feet, bow aimed and fingers pulling the string back painfully. The brunette carefully stalked towards where she saw the shadow disappear. Her heart jerked when, far away, down the small hill, she saw a lone figure slowly walking. It had long, brown locks in a messy, wet tangle. Sand clung to their ripped attire, which was just shorts and tank top, feet bare and bloody. They had white, fairly skinny arms with a limp to their right leg. They seemed to be clutching their ribs.

Frowning, the brunette decided to scare them off, whoever they were. They were trespassing on her territory anyways. The Boys knew they weren't allowed around her cabin. It was her space.

Cheri aimed and fired the bow. The arrow hit the tree in front of the startled person, as they gasped and turned their head towards the spot where the arrow came from.

Cheri gasped, the bow clattering to the ground. Her arrows fell too, as her body felt so weak and heavy that she herself sunk to the mushy ground.

It was her. The person, standing with doe eyes, time slowing around them, was Cheri. Cheri, with fear and sadness in her eyes, innocence and ignorance. Cheri.

* * *

**Leave me some feedback guys :D Where is this going? Did you see what I did there?**

**ok, let's rewind, because I won't really explain it. So badass Cheri sees herself when she first came to Neverland, where she was all bloody and hurt and wandering around. So, in the first chapter of Dream Nightmares for Me, when Cheri receives the arrow on the tree and looks back, seeing no one and starts running, well that arrow was from badass Cheri. **

**I know I know, time traveling. But yeah, it just happens. The arrow that badass Cheri shot crossed time and scared innocent Cheri. Badass Cheri could do that because well, she just can. **

**And questions about why she's badass and stuffs will be answered next chapter :D It has to do with the fact that she has Peter's heart, the heart that he took out before he fell in love, the heart with all the badassness and stuffs... so there ya go, I explained it -.- I need to shut up sometimes...**

**Ciao next one loviees :D**


	3. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took longer to update this one. With the end of the year approaching, I was busy studying and still am, but I find time for you guys :) This one is a bit corny near the end. Some more lovely Pan. Hah. Anyway, enjoy :) **

**Elena Maxwell: here's your update honey ;)**

**Rosie: thanks girl! here it is, sorry for the delay!**

**Bubblee90: Hahaha I love writting badass Cheri ;) she is chill hahahaha. And yeah, I kinda feel bad for Pan too ;) And yes, she's still Elsa-y, but things get complicated after this one, so stay with me :) oh and good to have you back faithful reviewer ;) hahahah**

Chapter 2: Crazy

_The past is never where you think you left it.- Katherine Anne Porter _

Peter trudged behind the crowd of Lost Boys. He listened mindlessly to their endless, usual chatter about everything and nothing. He drifted between peaceful memories and heightened thoughts. Clasping his jaw, he returned to the sight of his feet crunching the leaves under his boots. A wind, hot and dry, blew against his face as he followed behind, head down. The Boys looked back, weird, longing expressions in their eyes. Peter knew they longed for the harsh, adventurous Pan. The one that roared out battles, took them up in the hills, made them fight, taught them how to live on Neverland. The Peter Pan that was malignant and funny. But Peter hadn't been feeling up to being like that anymore. So the Boys turned to Cheri, who had Peter's old heart, and who was more like him as the days went by. More ferocious, brave, reckless and carefree.

As they breezed into camp, the young man snapped his head up at a puzzled Cheri crossing his path. She didn't bother with her usual salutations or remarks, just roughly shoving by him in a mumble of "move out of the way." Pan frowned, looked back at where the Lost Boys were headed, and followed the brunette. She walked fast and heavy, storming through the camp and heading for the forest line. "What do you want?" she growled when she felt the presence of the boy king behind her. Peter huffed.

"Why the smug face?" he prompted. Cheri halted, twisted on her heels and came face to face with Peter.

"That's none of your bloody business, Peter," she spat back, lips curling into a frightening snarl. Up close, with her orbs inches from Peter's, he could see the uncertainty flowing through them. The brown stormed with clouds of uneasiness and distress, almost a plea for help.

"Excuse me for trying to help," he mumbled, stepping away as the queasiness in the girl's eyes irked him. It seemed to please her.

"I don't need your help," is all she said before storming away, hands slapping at the leaves.

* * *

After what seemed like hours of brainstorming, Cheri had finally come to a conclusion. She was to tell no one about the sight of herself in the woods, nor the strong déja-vu feeling she had gotten. If she was going crazy, then she'd be going crazy alone. If someone knew about... whatever that was, then they'd use it against her. That event had to stay hidden.

Decidedly, the brunette jumped to her feet and harnessed her bow and arrows. With her brow furrowed and her muscles tensed, she exited the cabin and galloped down the wooden, creaking stairs. She let the warm breeze wash over her strained face and marched her way into camp. The sun had set and cast a purple glow on the ground, shadows dancing among the bright flames of a fire. Dragon flies illuminated the atmosphere, creating a canopy of brilliant lights. There were drums in the distance, howling and infantile laughter. As Cheri walked into camp, boys rushed by her, someone handed her a brochette of pork and she almost got burned by the fire.

Some boys sat around the flames, the older ones that is. Arnold, Cameron, Jace and some boy named Felix, who seemed perpetually angry with the brunette for no apparent reason. He was always critiquing her and mumbling things under his breath about how pathetic this or that was. Despite his intriguing, mysterious charm, he remained a source of annoyance for Cheri. "Hey boys," she mumbled, breezing by them. Only a chorused grumble answered her. She smiled tightly.

"Cheri, Cheri, Cheri!" Jack knocked into her and made her stumble back. Something sharp and cool caught her arm and she turned on instinct, fists ready to punch. But it was only Felix, on his feet with his strong hand wrapped around her forearm. She laughed coolly.

"Thank you there, Super Fee," she joked, giving him a wink. He rolled his eyes and sat back down.

"Jack," the brunette growled, turning to the boy who stood with a smile on his pathetic face. "Why did you bump into me?" It's like she was talking to a toddler, who had no idea he had no right bumping into someone.

"I wanted to ask you to come and join-" the poor boy started, but was interrupted when a fist caught the collar of his shirt and hurled him up in the air, his feet dangling in the void. Cheri's angered face was inches from his frightened one, eyes dark and shadowy in the night atmosphere.

"I asked, why did you bump into me?" she growled, sound coming deep from within her chest. Jack gulped nervously. He knew what it meant when she repeated herself like that.

"S-sorry," he mumbled. "I'm s-sorry I-I b-bumped into you, m-milady." Cheri huffed, smiled apathetically and dropped him to the ground.

Dusting herself off, she taunted, "the 'milady' wasn't necessary." She laughed almost evilly, giving the young boy a raised brow. He gulped once more, which irritated the girl more than anything. "What was it you were saying before?" she sighed.

"I wanted t-to asked you to come and join us in the boar hunt," he cautiously mumbled. Cheri gasped, eyes wide and half a smile mixed with her O shaped mouth.

"Well why didn't you say so earlier you twat!?" Giving him a tap on the shoulder, she skipped by him to the crowd of brown cloaks gathering at the forest line. She heard the groan of Jack before giggling and shouldering into the crowd.

"Boar hunt!?" she shouted over the chatter. The boys roared in anticipation and glee, fists and arsenal over their heads. "Let's do it!"

* * *

"Where is that bloody boar!?" Cheri shouted, exasperated, soaked to the core and aching all over the place.

"Shut it!" Walter shouted back.

Cheri groaned, looking up at the sky, pouring sizzling hot rain, covering her boots with mud and making her see blurry. And that fucking boar was no where to be seen. Thinking it over, Cheri was opting for storming back in camp and dismembering whoever started the boar rumor. Her mood was diminishing slowly the longer she stood in the rain, soaked and angry.

"I see it!" someone shouted, and the race was on.

Through water-shielded vision, the brunette sped through the forest, mud sticking to her exposed skin and clustering in her hair. She cursed as branches slapped her face and probably bit through her skin, leaving red gashes. She felt a bit stupid, running through rain and mud, for a boar. What a waste.

Before she could notice anything, her foot caught in something thick and muddy, making her trip and fall face first in the mud. She yelled, a horrific, girly sound that wrenched from her throat, and tried to desperately regain balance. Through thick rain and blinding mud, the brunette slipped, hands searching for something to hold on to. Unfortunately, the girl's foot slid and she fell back on her rear, cursing. And then, she tumbled backwards and began a rolling decent down a hill.

Between curses and yelps, the girl received rocks and leaves in the face, her body tumbled onto pointy, jutting stones and her mouth filled with the sickening mud. After what seemed like a short but brutal fall, the brunette landed in a puddle, face first with mud and rain blinding her view. "Fucking rain," she cursed under her breath, using her arms to push her to a sitting position, rear in the mud and all. A sigh passed through her lips as she raked a hand in her muddy and wet hair. Looking up at the sky, she saw that the thick canopy of leaves overhead prevent a majority of the rain from reaching her. Down on the forest floor, only a drizzle attained her.

The brunette looked around at the now visible area around her. What caught her eye first was the strange, but vague sense of déja-vu that swam underneath every tree, bush, rock and leaves. A frown furrowed her slender brows when she found herself staring into the dark pit of a cave's mouth. The dark, inviting emptiness overwhelmed her vision and something in the back of her mind screamed. It stirred, itched against her skull. Putting a hand to her forehead, the brunette hissed. "What the-" Another, troubling shock stirred in her brain and she gasped.

Someone was coming. The sound of bristling leaves and harsh breaths echoed in the still forest. Heavy feet thumped against the muddy ground and splashes of water sounded closer and closer. Cheri frowned, feeling the instinct of fighting back kicking in. As she was about to get to her feet, a tumbling figure erupted through the bushes and collapsed onto the ground, facing the sky.

"No!" Cheri yelled, scrambling away from the tank topped figure with pajama shorts and messy brown locks. It breathed out, groaned in the silence. She didn't seem to notice Cheri there, having a panic attack and trying to cope with the nauseating feeling of déja-vu. The pajama dressed girl turned her face to Cheri and opened her honey orbs, staring out in the distance. "No-what-no!" Cheri tried to get to her feet, but the slippery mud made her fall back on her side.

The tank topped girl groaned and looked at the cave. Cheri screamed internally. How could Cheri be staring at herself? At someone so weak and sensible? "Get away!" Cheri yelled, clawing at the mud on the ground. Tank topped Cheri got to her hands and knees, groaning with pain. Cheri frowned. The weak brunette crawled to the cave, using the wall for support and moved into the darkness until she disappeared.

"No," Cheri mumbled. "I'm going crazy."

* * *

"Where is she?" Peter asked, turning to Felix with a familiar frown on his face. Felix shrugged. He pointed in the distance and shrugged again smugly.

"Don't know," he answered. "She was there a while ago, screaming about a boar hunt." Peter sighed heavily.

"I said to keep an eye on her, Felix," the boy king grumbled, bowing his head in disappointment.

"I'm not her babysitter, Peter," the blonde boy mumbled back, whittling with the piece of wood between his forefinger and thumb.

Peter groaned, shaking his head slowly. He sighed, passing a hand in his muffled hair. What now? Go out and find her? Impossible, she was immune to his location spells.

"I'm going to find her," the boy king grunted. Felix stood slowly.

"I think I can help with that," he offered. "She still isn't very good at hiding her tracks."

"Never been, eh?" Peter smiled sourly, reminiscing on the days when Cheri was as innocent as a new born babe. He sighed through his nose. "Any clue where she set off?"

The raucous of a crowd of boys storming into camp made the boy king look back, irritated frown on his face. The brown-cloaked fellas panted, gripping their stomachs and chests, hanging onto each other's shoulders. One of them had mud caking half his face, while the others were soaked. The rain hadn't helped their appearance.

"Peter!" one called out blindly. "Peter-"

"What!?" roared the irritated Pan. He marched towards the gang of boys, feet solid and shoulders squared. His brow was furrowed angrily, and for a moment, just a second, he looked exactly like the old Pan.

"It's Ch-Cheri she- she ran a-after the boar and w-we lost her," panted the nervous boy under the darkening glare of Pan.

"You what?" Peter growled, teeth bared like an animal. The boy shuddered.

"She ran off like that, Pan, we tried to follow her but it was raining and we couldn't see," tried another boy, putting his hand on the panting boy's shoulder. Peter groaned between clenched teeth.

"Where?" Peter asked brutally.

"South, North?" offered Felix, stepping up. The boys consulted each other.

"We were near Mermaid Lagoon, she set off North," concluded the younger one. Peter and Felix exchanged a glance and set off in the direction.

"You think you'll find her?" Peter asked.

"With the rain and mud it'll be hard," Felix answered truthfully.

The two boys set off in the forest, marching beside each other. The old camaraderie slipped out and they began to consult each other on geographical manners like old times. They asked each other direct questions to receive direct answers. It was all a routine, and as they made their way in the jungle, everything came back to them. Old codes mostly. It made Peter ache silently as he missed the old days where he and Felix would be using that kind of behavior for the victims Peter brought on the island.

As the day progressed and Felix followed bushes with broken branches and leaves at odd angles, Peter followed silently and tried not to think too much of the past. It was a hard task. "Are we close?" he asked to distract himself. Felix grumbled.

"We are getting close, but..." he trailed off. His blonde head cocked to the side.

"What?" Peter demanded.

"It seems like she's been..." again he trailed off. Peter sighed irritably. "It seems like she's been walking in circles since we've been on these tracks."

Peter frowned. "Are you sure these are her tracks then and not some random Lost Boys'?"

Felix nodded. "Yeah, small feet headed North of Mermaid Lagoon." Peter sighed again, turning his back to his friend.

"Why the hell is she turning in circles?" he mumbled, asking the air mostly. Felix just groaned.

"She's up to odd things these days, you know," he answered. Peter frowned deeper. There was a trace of reproach in Felix's voice and Pan noticed it. The boy king whipped around to face a crouching Felix, hand in the mud.

"What's your point?" Pan spat, the tone taking Felix by surprise. Slowly, the blonde boy got to his feet.

"I'm just saying that she's different these days," he answered. "She doesn't do the same things as she did before. She's not afraid anymore. We don't know her anymore, not like we used to. Cheri is gone. She's been replaced by this other thing that both of us don't understand." Peter flexed his fists.

"And you blame this on me?" he growled ferociously. Casually, Felix nodded. Peter snarled, offended and feeling betrayed.

"You're the one that put your old heart in her," Felix mumbled. Peter growled louder. Words weren't enough to explain the inferno inside him. "I told you the repercussions. You didn't listen. You created what she is today. It is your fault that her memories evade her and that she acts like a reckless soldier."

"And you would of done what?" Peter barked loudly. Felix, normally, did not even flinch. "You would of let her die, on that beach, huh? Would you of let her go, let her slip away from you? Of all the things you claim to understand, Felix, you don't understand this. You don't understand what it is to make sacrifices."

Felix frowned, blonde brows connecting slowly. He bit his lip pensively. "Sacrifice?" he asked. "Peter, what did you sacrifice? Her? No, you were selfish. You didn't want the pain of losing her so you fucked up! You sacrificed her own choices and destiny for your own selfish needs. And I know, that if it was up to her, she wouldn't of wanted your heart. She wouldn't of wanted this life, this shit you put her into!" It was the first time in a long time that Peter had seen Felix that mad.

Peter shook his head violently. "You still don't understand," he growled. "I did it because... because I love her. Seeing her die couldn't be the end of her. It just couldn't be."

"And you think I don't know anything about love?" Felix threw back. Peter flinched slightly. A cold, sizzling and surprising, overwhelmed his body. Fright clawed at his insides as he stared down the blue pits of Felix's eyes.

"Who were you in love with?" Peter asked silently, the words whispering off his lips like wind. Felix pinched his lips together and just leaned back. A wind brushed in his blonde, messy curls and tousled them side to side.

Peter gasped internally. "How?" he asked, finally understanding.

* * *

**Again, thanks to everyone who reviewed and favorited and followed :) Sorry it took long for this one :) leave me some feedback!**

**See ya soon. **


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